9 Reasons Why Butch/Femme Relationships Still Rock

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they think femme/femme and butch/butch relationships are “unnatural.” Irrespective of who holds these views, both of these perspectives tend.

Or was it my impeccably polished pink nails? Or the oxblood red lipstick and the mountain of mascara caked to my long, fluffy eyelashes? All of the above? As I grew more comfortable in the scene, I began to recoil at the word “femme. I wanted to be taken seriously, damn it. So why did I think “femme” was synonymous with being a brainless joke? Oh, because I, like so many girls, had a lifetime of internalized sexism stewing inside of me. See, we lesbians came of age in the same misogynistic society as everyone else.

We were spoon-fed the same sexist narrative as our heterosexual classmates. Our sexual orientation didn’t protect us from the notion that femininity equals weakness. I couldn’t change; my inherent desire to dress up spoke louder than my desire to fit in. Dressing like a pop singer every day brings me joy.

Butch-Femme Dating And Relationships

Reentering the dating universe can be a little bumpy, as most anyone can tell you. First, you have to negotiate what you want and need within yourself, and then turn outward to see what the beautiful world has to offer you. But in my case, one thing is sure, I am a femme woman attracted to masculine women and in particular, butches. I assume when people talk about roles, they are thinking along the lines of something my mother told me when I was young when I asked her what a lesbian was.

Some people think the butch—femme dynamic is a dying identity, but I beg to differ. Butch—femme lives and evolves and is a legitimate choice for relating and connecting with a sexual partner.

s was affected by the conflict between differentiated butch/femme date. The covers from April and November reproduce the qualities.

Butch and femme french term for woman are terms often used in the lesbian and gay subcultures to describe the queering of traditional masculine and feminine gender roles. Femme is also frequently used in the transgender community, see En femme. The terms butch and femme often are used to describe lesbians, but also occasionally gay men. Stereotypes and definitions of butch and femme vary greatly, even within tight-knit gay and lesbian communities.

It is not uncommon for butch-looking females to meet social disapproval. A butch woman could be compared to an effeminate man in the sense that both genders are historically linked to gay communities and stereotypes, whether or not the individuals in question are homosexual. For western lesbians, butch-femme has had varying levels of acceptance throughout the 20th century.

The practices of ‘femme on femme’ and ‘butch on butch’ sex preferences are sometimes repressed by cultural mores , notably in cultures where masculine tops who have sex with feminine bottoms or transwomen are considered straight and in the mid-twentieth century U. Alternate conceptualizations of femme-butch persons suggest that butch and femme are, in fact, not hetero-mimicries or attempts to take up so-called ‘traditional’ gender roles. In the first instance, this argument situates ‘traditional’ gender roles as biological, ahistorical imperatives – a claim that has been contested by writers from Sigmund Freud to Judith Butler, Jay Prosser, Anne Fausto-Sterling, and many others.

These authors take up gender as both socially and historically constructed, rather than as essential, ‘natural’, or strictly biological. Specifically with regard to butches and femmes, lesbian historian Joan Nestle argues that femme and butch may be seen as distinct genders in and of themselves See The Persistent Desire, Elsewhere, it has been argued that butch and femme are ‘read’ as imperfect copies of heterosexual gender roles due to the uncritical assumption that masculinity and femininity are inseparable from genetic male-ness or female-ness.

For example, to suggest that a butch woman is attempting to annex heterosexual male power or privilege – a claim levelled by some radical feminists see Sheila Jeffreys and others – fails to take note of the social censure levelled at individuals who reject social and cultural imperatives that link biological sex with what Judith Butler calls ‘gender performance’ see Bodies that Matter,

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To be honest, I dated her with the intention of experimentation. I was intrigued by the butch-femme dynamic that seemed to be so steeped in lesbianism and wanted to see what it would be like. Looking back, I realize how shallow and selfish I was to use her in satisfying my own curiosity, but the universe got me back when I ended up falling hard for a woman who had never so much as used concealer to cover a zit.

I had no choice but to broaden my perspective in order to see things through her eyes.

Whether you’re femme, butch, bi, trans, Christian, agnostic, professional, into dining out, running or discussing current affairs there’s someone for everyone on​.

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A Guide to Dating Butch Women

I recently read a Facebook status update from an acquaintance that stated, “I don’t understand why lesbians date women who look like men. If you’re into chicks that look like dudes, just get with a dude. However, I’ve only been asked about my preference for androgynous women by heterosexuals and gay men, never by another lesbian. Coming in at number 11 was “But if you like girls that look like boys If you like boys so much, why don’t you want to date my girlfriend who ‘looks like a boy’?

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You seems to me that your biggest problem is acting too much like spoiled ass str8 womyn. You sound like f’ng Goldilocks. Don’t act too butch, don’t act to femme, act advice right to truth me happy. This attitude makes me ill. No wonder so many butches prefer to be alone as they get older.

It throws them off. You femmes don’t realize how rare a butch. Share on Facebook. Explore: Butch/Femme, butch/femme dynamic, flirting tips, lesbian dating.

Updated: Nov 13, This is a great question, and so I turned to the research literature for some answers. All 20 studies that I read agreed there needs to be more review of this dynamic, but below I present some important findings. Psychology of Women Quarterly, Sep, Relationships with unequal power balance reported less satisfaction and more problems, but relationships with the ‘butch-femme’ dynamic did not report these inequalities any more than other relationships.

Sex Roles, Apr,

How (not) to date a femme


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